I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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