I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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