I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
