Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize