I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
