last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
