The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
