if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
