exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
