I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
