Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
