I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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