So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
