And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
