Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
