Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize