My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Operation Purity has been aborted
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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