the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
