if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
