Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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