is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
