The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
