Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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