If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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