the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
