I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
