Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize