It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
