girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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