Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
