Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
