I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
