theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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