Pants 0. Shit 1.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
