community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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