Me. At least after what I've been through.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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