Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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