How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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