hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
