I think my vagina is haunted
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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