wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need a beard to bite.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
