i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
