If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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