the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
