Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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