he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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