well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
