apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
