Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
