It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize