We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
