I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
50% drunk capacity currently
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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