Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So squirting runs in the family.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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