you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you would pick up someone in the library
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize