i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
