What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
