i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
