yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
