My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
As shirtless as possible
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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