I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize