Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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