told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
