Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
