ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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