She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
