Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
